Monday, May 24, 2004

so i was going to write about something, anything. Just write. I haven't written anything in so long. I mean, my last two post have been song lyrics. So not creative. I know. Cuma gimana dong, gue lagi bener2 ga ada topik, aside the fact that my life has been slowly falling apart and i'm still trying to fix it, glue it back together. It's been the hardest thing ever. This year has sucked so far. Totally 180 than how my year was last year. Isn't that sad. Well, you can't always be on top. But I'm really lucky to have people that i love rally around me and help me through this. With their cars, their jokes, their love, their friendship..to pull me out of this big hole.

I've been depressed lately. Trying to find a new job, trying to get my car back, fix sean's..not been the easiest task. Now, my future roomate has screwed me over for a girl. What a friend. Back to square one, ladies and gents. I've been keeping my sanity by not thinking about life so much, and just living day by day, hoping for the best, thanking my lucky stars that at least i've been blessed with great friends.

okay i've only depressed myself more writing about this. GREAT!! why don't i just stab myself and die. (maybe i should go on anti-depressants) -sigh- I miss home. I miss the simpler times. But I do believe in one thing. If it doesn't kill you, it will only make you stronger. Hopefully one day I'll look back to this year and laugh at everything that has happened. I hope that day comes soon, cause my sanity is beginning to unravel. For all who's reading, say a prayer for me.

[ RiTa ] 10:15 PM

Thursday, April 29, 2004

I never return to love somebody
now all that i need is all i see in you
and only you
and if you get lost I'll always find you
you're all that i need your heart will keep you true
my only you

You make me fall and i can't sleep
You're holding on but it's too deep
and i can't give it away
I just can't give it away

when you slowly close your eyes
we play the moment in your life
just give it away
just give it away
when you slowly close your eyes
we play the moment in your life
just give it away
just give it away

Don't ever forget to tell somebody
the feelings inside
to make your dreams come true
I dream of you
to feel so alive and want somebody
it's not make believe
my world would be for you
and only you

You make me fall and i can't sleep
You're holding on but it's too deep
and i can't give it away
I just can't give it away

Deepest blue - Give it away


[ RiTa ] 11:53 PM

Thursday, April 22, 2004

You have become what you have always been
Light flickering around with real vision
No words we can speak of paths to be chosen
All trails that we trek shall lead us back to here

Because our love comes again
Just when I've broken love I found
Love can come again
You gotta believe that love comes again
Just when I've broken love I found
Love can come again

Deep within me, turn over secret stones
Forests and fields bleeding with blood and bones
Still no words we can speak of paths to be chosen
All trails that we trek shall lead us back to here

Because our love comes again
Just when I've broken love I found
Love can come again
You gotta believe that love comes again
Just when I've broken love I found
Love can come again

Tiesto feat. BT - love comes again

I hate trance, tapi denger lagu ini, suaranya BT itu yang bener2 bikin terharu..hiks. lyrics courtesy of www.bt-network.org

[ RiTa ] 2:55 PM

Sunday, February 29, 2004



aduuuh tantiknaaaahh..anak tapa tih tuuhhhh (haha basi)
beginilah kalo baru menemukan teknologi baru.

[ RiTa ] 12:06 AM

Friday, February 27, 2004

social whore..

hehe, yup that's right, that I am. Kalo cowo gue dan gue cuma berdua jalan, we're so cute together, tapi begitu kita di suatu suasana dimana banyak temen2 kita, we become absolute social whores. Feeling the need to entertain a lot of people at the same time, but forgetting, or neglecting the fact that we're together. It's actually pretty funny. Abis gimana dong, kan kata sosiologis, kita manusia itu adalah makhluk privat, dan makhluk sosial. So i guess it's okay that when we go out people don't think we're together, unless they know us. (jadi pasaran gue ga turun toh..hihi).

But away from all of the politics of socializing, we're very affectionate and warm towards each other. And that's what counts..right?? :)

[ RiTa ] 9:35 PM

Sunday, February 22, 2004

a farewell to my favorite show..

it's 9.45 pm on a sunday night. Just a bunch of us girls, in front of the television with a bottle of beer and pizza..some cheering, and one tearing up. Yes..the quintesential show about being single and being in love with yourself has just ended. Ladies and gentlemen..I'm talking about sex and the city.

I know, guys think it's a dumb show..but so many things that happen in that show, the questions that they ask about relationships, they ring true in so many ways.

watching the last episode when carrie broke up with the russian because he can't make time for her, neglecting her all the time, and only wanting her there when he needs her ...it almost mirrors my relationship. That's why i cried. Because that's how i feel sometime. But unlike carrie, I don't have a "BIG" that will hold my hand when i end it.

I know I'm being sappy, and probably just getting carried away, but I couldn't help thinking that maybe my relationship will end soon because I'm being neglected too many times. It's funny how similar the situation is, it's actually scary.

I can't write about this relationship anymore, it's sometimes beautiful..yet sometimes so heartbreaking that I feel like I can't do it anymore. But isn't that what being in a relationship means, it's not always pretty, all is suppose to be bittersweet, but what measurement between bitter and sweet can be acceptable? I guess it all depends on the person and just how strong they are, and how patient they are. How patient am I? I dont' know, I'm still here..am still with him.

you know what's funny? I could be so mad at him, or we could be having the biggest fight over the phone about something stupid..but then I'll see him, and every inch me aches for him, and every bit of anger that I felt would simply melt away. Is that love? I don't know. When i see him play, I beam with pride..because he's my boyfriend. Is that stupid? oh who knows..

The most beautiful thing about being in love is the joy just knowing that person is happy, to hear him laugh, to see him smile, to know that he had a good day, and everything is allright. I don't matter..all that matter is that he's okay.

Farewell sex and the city, thank you for the 6 years that was so full of laughter, joys, tears, and the most beautiful shoe collection we'll ever see.

Best quote from this last show..

"Love is like couture..if it doesn't fit, don't wear it"

[ RiTa ] 10:08 PM